A gentle reflection on retiring, healing and moving from performing to being—finding rest, creativity and courage in a season of letting go. At the Start of 2025: Building Momentum A year ago, at the start of 2025, everything felt possible. I had just launched Adelaide Document Processing, a little home-based typing service, five months earlier and upon returning to work in January after the Christmas holidays, I welcomed my first th ree clients. I was approaching twelve months of volunteering in Spiritual Care at a local residential care facility, attending my late Mum’s Uniting Church congregation and enjoying the rhythm of activities with the Wise Owls over-fi fties community of Nazareth Catholic College. It felt like I was finally building something steady. When Momentum Unravelled: Letting Go of Performing After Easter something shifted. I crashed—emotionally, physically, spiritually—and...
After decades of chasing jobs, clients, productivity and people, I hit a wall. This post explores how grief, relational trauma and a wake-up call led me to stop performing and chasing people and start living with intention, self-care and quiet clarity.
Relational Trauma and the Cycle of Chasing
For most of my adult life, I chased. I chased jobs, clients, productivity and—perhaps most exhausting of all—people. I spent decades pushing myself to meet expectations, prove my worth and stay ahead. It was a constant cycle of striving, performing and hoping for validation. It was a pattern I didn’t question—until I had to.
The chasing didn’t start until I was 26. Before that, I lived with selective mutism—fourteen years of silence, withdrawal and internal processing. When I finally came out of that season and began speaking more publicly, I was eager to connect. I wanted people to see that I could talk now. I wanted connection. I wanted to belong. I thought visibility would draw people closer.
But my eagerness was often misread. Instead of drawing people closer, it seemed to push them away. I unintentionally came across as needy, clingy and pushy. That response confused and hurt me. So I tried harder. I chased jobs, clients, productivity and especially people. I stretched myself to prove I was capable, articulate and worth engaging with.
That pattern lasted for close to 30 years. Patterns like this are more common than we realise, especially when relational trauma shapes our adult attachment responses — something explored in this article.
The Wake-Up Call: Grief and Loss as Turning Points
Then came the wake-up call. Grief, loss and the weight of relational trauma forced me to stop and look inward. I couldn’t keep performing. That season changed everything. I had to ask myself what I was really chasing—and why. I began to ask harder questions. What was I chasing? Who was I trying to prove myself to? What was I afraid would happen if I stopped?
Learning to Pause: Self-Care and Clarity
The answers were uncomfortable but necessary. I realised I’d been living in reaction mode, trying to compensate for years of silence by overextending myself. Slowing down gave me space to notice what I actually needed: rest, clarity and a different kind of presence. I no longer want to live in a state of constant pursuit. I want to live in a state of presence.
Now, at 56, I no longer chase.
- I don’t hustle for approval or productivity; I’ve let go of the need to be busy to feel valuable.
- I’ve stopped measuring my days by how much I’ve achieved; I don’t measure my self-worth by how much I get done.
- If a task doesn’t align with my values, I say no; I no longer feel the need to explain or justify my choices to others.
- I don’t stretch myself thin to maintain connections that don’t feel mutual; If something feels forced, I pause. If a relationship feels one-sided, I step back.
Instead, I move at a pace that honours my energy. I choose what aligns with my values. I let go of what no longer fits. And I give myself permission to be enough without the chase.
Choosing Presence Over Pursuit
This isn’t about giving up. It’s about choosing differently and living intentionally. I still care deeply. I still create, contribute and connect—but from a place of clarity, not compulsion. I’ve spent enough of my life trying to prove I belonged. These days, I’m more interested in being at peace with myself. The chasing is over. What remains is enough.
Finding Peace Beyond Productivity and Approval
If you’ve ever felt worn out by the chase—whether for work, validation or connection—know that you’re not alone. Grief and relational trauma can shape us, but it doesn’t have to define us. Our relationship with productivity is often shaped more by emotion than effort, something explored thoughtfully in this TIME essay. There’s another way to live: one that’s quieter, more grounded and far more sustainable.
What would it look like for you to pause the chase and choose presence instead?
Go gently,
Denise Marron 🩷
Simplicity Advocate and
Author at Gentle Self.
🌿10 Years of Simple Living 🌿
January 2016 - January 2026
🤔 Learn More About Denise
Living simply, writing gently,
companioning with care. 🌸
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